The biggest change for me in the past year was becoming a step dad. Only nine months have passed, but I have grown to appreciate and respect my own parents and all parents WAY more. I had no idea what was in store for me or how I would react… Would I give up and walk away? Or continue to press forward trying to be the best parent I can be. At first I thought, you know I got this and can do it, I mean I am an uncle and I get along with my nieces and nephew great. Being a parent is completely different than being an uncle. A parent has full responsibility day in and day out of taking care of their child, while uncles and aunts are free to come and go as they please. I mean sure you are responsible and take care of your nieces and nephews when you are present with them, but that’s a handful of days compared to a lifetime of being the parent.
One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog was to write about my own personal journey and areas that I myself need to grow and become stronger in. I have added onto that and want to include my journey of becoming a step-parent and the successes and fails, I know I will go through. I thought about the title of this blog to reflect both aspects. Shattering myself in order to shape a better me, but also I have now the power to either shatter or shape my daughter’s life. Every choice, every action and every word now carries with it power in shaping her future. I am fortunate that my girlfriend has been forgiving and understanding, she knows I am nowhere near a good parent right now, but I believe she sees inside of me the desire for me to be the best one I know I can be.
Over the course of our relationship so far, I’ll admit freely I have failed in a lot of areas. Be it being a step parent to not fulfilling tasks or listening to what my girlfriend has to say. Now, knowing that I am failing and have failed in a lot of areas I want to improve and learn how to become a better boyfriend and most of all step parent.
The way I was raised varies differently than how I should raise her. Since I know nothing about how to parent I seem to revert to how I was being raised as a template. Cause I turned out ok… right?! While my own parents probably could have changed a lot methods of parenting earlier on, they didn’t because they themselves were probably learning too.
I can’ wait to watch her grow more and more seeing her become her own person. Coming home from work and seeing her run towards me is one of the best things you can experience as a parent. It won’t last forever eventually it will be less and less the older she gets. This is why I need to treasure and spend these special moments with her, but also be a positive and good role model for her. Even in this aspect it has been hard for me to do it consistently. I was so used to being my own person and only needing to care for myself and my own wellbeing that everyone else didn’t matter. That isn’t the case and won’t be the case for the rest of my life now she is a part of it. I need to rewire my thoughts and put her and my girlfriend first all the time before myself. I am not perfect and I know I need to work on being better at this, THANK GOD, I have a girlfriend as understanding as I do.
I can’t wait to share the ups, the downs and the growth I experience on becoming the best step dad I can be.